On Being a Size Small and Feeling Pretty

Happy Friday Friends!

You know I LOVE my Friday’s and today I am SOOOOO looking forward to 5pm. It’s been the busiest week and my body is just exhausted. I’ve been up since 4:30am and I am ready for bed! I originally had a guest post planned for today, but the blogger had a crazy week as well!

I didn’t have anything else prepped for today, so instead, we are taking a trip back to the archives. This post was originally published on August 30, 2014.  At one point, I had a mini series on the blog called Saturday Session all about loving your body. As I was reading through it, the message still rings true, even for me, especially since I put on a couple more pounds. Hello, 138#! It’s fun to look back and see when things started to click for me, in terms of learning to love my body, lift heavy thing AND have a desire to empower women to do the same. Enjoy.

[bctt tweet=”From the archives: on being a size small & feeling pretty. #sweatpink” username=”burpees4bfast”]

It’s early Saturday morning.
Just before 7am.
I’ve got my lemon water by my side.
In the mug I’ve had since i was about 5 years old.
I’m sitting on my couch, because my laptop is at the point where it completely dies if i unplug the power cord.
Finishing up this post from yesterday.

I’ve had this post in my head for weeks. Maybe even a month. I haven’t posted a saturday session in quite sometime. Partly because I haven’t had much to write. But at the same time I have.

My emotions have been kind of all over the place lately.
Especially the past 2 weeks, I still haven’t gotten my period (actually not since last saturday session)– but the past two weeks of pms/feeling like it will start any.day. has not made me in the best mood. And has definitely affected the way I’m reacting towards my body.
Some days I just think I look terrible no matter what I put on. Not pretty at all. Even though I know that’s not the case. Anyone else hate how that happens?!

The bloat makes me feel fat.
I even thought the other day that I should do some crunches, fast, to get my stomach flat.
And then I laughed at myself, because I know that crunches don’t give you a flat stomach. Nor would crunches take away my bloat.
Hah! Sometimes It’s just good to laugh at yourself.

I’VE GRADUATED TO A SIZE SMALL.

I know, I know, is it really that big of deal? Remember when I gained 7 pounds a few months ago?
I have been an extra-small for upwards of 3 years.
For 3 years, I’ve been able to pick up that size zero or extra small.
And it would fit.
Or be too small.

But yesterday, as I shopped for some new fitness clothes (I hit the jackpot by the way!), because my quads are getting too big for my extra-small shorts, I needed to go up to a size small in most bottoms (except some super cute underarmour leggings side note: i SERIOUSLY love underarmour clothes. just need to be more rich to afford everything…or find some things on sale someplace?!).
The size small wasn’t tight around my waist. And most importantly, I could squat nice and low without having to hike my shorts up. #win

Earlier this week, I decided to wear some jeans. Blazing outside, but cool in the office. #typical. Since it’s summer, I usually only wear one pair of pants every few weeks. but this time, I pulled out a pair of loft jeans that I’ve had for a few years to wear. They are a well-worn pair of size zero pants and they’ve always been a little big, which is why I don’t often wear them. Not this time.

I managed to get them on over my quads. I did a few lunges to loosen them up, but took them off to try another pair because I did NOT want to be in tight pants all day.  I picked up the second pair of size zero Loft pant, usually a bit tighter than the others, and this pair barely fit over my quads. Meaning, they did not make it to my waist.

So for poops and giggles yesterday, when I was out shopping, I decided to try a bigger size in pants. Fit the quads. but look at that waist gap!

backgap

Now, most girls would be upset about this, and believe me, I had my little freakout.
Then i slipped on my other pair of pants that I knew would fit, and went about my day.
Like kierston says, if your pants don’t fit…don’t have a fit. right?!

See big quads and size smalls are a good thing.
Yes, you read that right.
I have to stop and remind myself why, sometimes a few times a day.
Like gaining 7 pounds (make sure to read the post), it means lots of things.
First thing: my body is healing. still.

This whole gut healing journey is a tough road. I have bad days. I have good days. I have days where I make every single meal myself. And days that I eat 2 or 3 bowls of cereal for dinner. Sometimes it’s hard to see the progress.
But it’s clear to see the progress now. My body is absorbing nutrients. the gut lining is healing. Pretty cool, right?

BECOMING A QUADZILLA (borrowing this phrase from neghar) AND GRADUATING TO A SIZE SMALL MEANS MY BODY IS HEALING.

[bctt tweet=”Gaining weight + graduating to a small = body is healing #guthealth” username=”burpees4bfast”]

Second thing: I’m getting stronger.

I’m starting to get some decent muscle definition. Just look at those photos above.
hello biceps.
I like that. I like being able to see my biceps. to see the different muscles in my quads, in the mirror, at my bodyworks class. It makes me feel strong. Makes me feel powerful.

IT MAKES ME FEEL PRETTY.

My point is:

Embracing body change is hard, especially when it feels like society tells us ladies we need to look a certain way. Learning to love your body, size small shorts, bulging defined biceps and all, takes practice. It takes work.

And it’s work that I am willing to put in, because nothing beats the feeling of walking into the gym and being able to deadlift a shit ton of weight. Or do more pull-ups than the guy next to you (still working on this one!). Or hold crow pose

Nothing beats looking at your body in the mirror and genuinely loving what you see.

PS. Don’t forget to enter the Amazing Grass Superfood Protein Giveaway! You have til next Thursday!

So, tell me:

Are you on a journey to learn to love your body?
What are some things that make you feel pretty?!

XOXO,
Jen

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